I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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