I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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