You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
