Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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