Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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