so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got inside last night via doggy door
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
