I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize