A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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