I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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