i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
