i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
