Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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