I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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