I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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