I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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