How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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