Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
