we have pet lesbian snakes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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