just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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