Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
