He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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