so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
