i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
