dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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