i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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