Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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