oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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