I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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