if only i could text you this smell
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
