I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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