Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize