hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
