I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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