dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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