Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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