This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
