alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
