Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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