the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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