I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
