She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
