your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
