You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
