put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
