She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
