when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
