Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
