All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
