u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
