i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
