Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
