so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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