I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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