made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize