No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's Friday. Sex?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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