the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
