The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
