god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
