I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
