I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize