so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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