I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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