you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
