You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
