you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
