Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
