Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
