I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
