Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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