What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
