Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize