So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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