I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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