I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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