i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
