i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
