eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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