Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
