There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize