Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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