Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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