dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize