So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
