I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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