you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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