Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
