Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
