I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
