Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
