you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
