don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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