I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Mom said you looked used
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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