His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
