You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
