and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
