did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
