A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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