my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
